I Want 2 Suck Your Blood!

I haven't dressed up 4 Halloween in exactly ten years. The year was 1995 (in case U couldn't figure that out). I was a sophomore in college, freshly 19, had never had sex and had never been drunk. I figured that night I could at least pop one of those cherries, so I preceded to drink with reckless abandon ... on a mission 2 get my very first hangover.

I was at a costume party with the drama crew and I was still all about Vampires back then so I, of course, dressed up like a vampire a la Anne Rice. I had the long black wig like Antonio Banderas as Armand, I had the cool tuxedo vest and tie and eyeliner. I had never really drank anything besides dacquiris before and I remember that night they were serving up jungle juice. It had everclear, vodka, rum and some other shit thrown in there. I had ten cups. Yes, ten. I'm surprised I didn't end up in the ER that night.

Suffice it 2 say, I don't really remember much from that night. I remember finding it EXTREMELY difficult to take a piss with any kind of aim into the toilet bowl ... and I'm not sure but I think the bathroom door may have been open or someone could have been puking in the tub beside me ... it's a blur. And I found out the next day that I apparently went around trying to literally bite people on the neck. I don't know if I was successful or not, but since I was so deep in the closet, I'm SURE I must have attacked the boys. And they didn't know that I was gay? WTF?!

I remember being carried by Caleb and some other Texan or Kansas boy. Yum ... sometimes I do miss the South. They carried me to their SUV, stuffed me in the backseat and drove me to my dorm. I couldn't walk, mind U, so they had to escort me up 2 flights of stairs and knock on my door. Thank God my roommate was in bed and not out partying cuz I would have been sleeping in the hall that night.

Now my roommate, Ryan Abrey, was DEFUCKINGLICIOUS!! I had such a huge crush on him. Had I been the boy I am today back then, I would have surely had my way with him ... several times. Looking back he was so curious and I missed so many opps. I can't believe I made it all the way through college in the closet and sexless ... but I digress.

Ryan was blonde, blue eyed, flirty, piercing smile, all American boy next door freakazoid. He actually tried to do a threeway with me and one of my girlfriends. I was scared as shit she was gonna say yes ... thankfully she didn't.

So, Ryan takes me in ... I'm stumbling and can't stand up straight. Now, mind U, I was severely drunk, but these next two minutes I remember so vividly. He undressed me. Smirking. Talking gently. Guiding me. Confident, soft hands. He took off my tie and unbuttoned my shirt. He walked me over to the sink and somehow helped me take out my contacts because I made a BIG fucking deal out of it ... there was "no way I could sleep in my contacts blah blah stupid drunk blah!" Then he put me in bed ... said good night, turned off the light and climbed up to his bunk ... and I passed the fuck out.

I often wonder what happened to him. He disappeared from TCU the next year. I wonder if he would even recognize me today. I have changed SOOOO much in the last ten years. I wonder how he's changed and if I would recognize him.

Here it is, Halloween again, and I'm wondering if he's out there somewhere still wearing a mask.

"How sweet life would be if I could be free of the sinner in me." - Depeche Mode, The Sinner In Me